Finding my soul

 When I first started this blog, one of my intentions was to publish a daily journal of my life and my creative endeavours, mostly in fiber art. I wanted to connect with other like minded people too.

Probably no one will be reading this but I felt it would be nice to write it any away because I enjoy looking back on it.

I have not taken up sewing or fiber art since July when I started feeling creative again after a reduction in my depression meds, but I have really creatively blossomed, having taken courses, one by Suzanne Allard, the second by Yvette St Amant and a small one by Helen Wells. I am determined to learn to be an abstract painter and paint every day. I’ve got a ways to go but it’s lots of fun!

Most of the time I’m working in a sketchbook, so no pressure. I’ve bought some small canvases and I’m working on the confidence for that. This is my first one.

I’ve also been working on my drawing skills and learning to paint acrylics and mixed mediums, again in my sketchbook. My cutting has become my painting table and I still have a nice view.

I still love birch trees and want to learn to paint them.

And, I once again enjoy May nature walks and my little journal sketches.

Finally, in August, I started knitting again. I like to do no brainer knitting when I watch tv at night. I’ve made one regular afghan and 2 baby ones.

I’ve had a reduction in the lithium in October and the final amount will come late November. I am becoming myself again, being inspired by the world around me on the trails and even the plants in my own yard.

Seed pods of the milkweed plant above.

I’ve been pulling things out of my cupboards and off of shelves to draw and play with.

I confess to feeling a little stress over the US election and I hope I will continue to stay positive and creative as we reduce my meds.

Awakening

 It was about 3 yrs ago that a severe depression caused me to stop doing anything creative. I lost all my creative desire. I’ve been on a lot of medication and crawling out of the hole has been a slow and frustrating process. 

I wanted to write here as it is a good journal process in a way. I like to be able to look back at it.

It started almost a year ago when I started walking, mostly on forest trails and working out 3 times a week. I had my second hip replacement at the beginning of Covid and I did no exercise for about a year. I am finally getting stronger being able to do squats push ups, get up steps and off the floor easily.

Finally, a reduction in part of my medications in the spring, has relit my creative spark this summer.

The first thing I did was to buy a painting that spoke to me. It is called, The Spirit Within, by artist Mary Morey. She had her woodland collection showing The Captain's Gallery in Chester, NS.

https://www.carolhansenartist.com/mary-morey

I started noticing artwork, especially abstract work and I bought a course by Susan Allard called 31 Bright and Fun Sketchbook Paintings and I really have been having fun. Painting every day.

The paintings are in progress.

Baby quilts and knitting preemie hats

It’s been a while since I wrote. I’m still having serious anxiety issues. They termed it  ‘hyper vigilance’ and it feels as if I’m edge all the time. The doctor doubled my dose which as yet has not helped much and has also caused me to have absolutely no motivation. Until today, I haven’t sewn in weeks, nor sketched or painted or had any desire for fiber art. It’s discouraging right now but I can’t stop the medication  until  there is improvement in the anxiety. 

I was extra shaky this morning when our carpenter came to install our new countertop. He’s a friend so I managed to calm down enough to distract myself with sewing the last few blocks on the Split Charms baby quilt by Sugar Pine Quilt Design’s that’s been on the design wall for while.

They were able to save the mosaic underneath the window that I’d done years ago.



I was a bit limited in my blacks and whites and used what I had.

Meanwhile, a friend very kindly basted the 9 patch baby quilt together for me which I hand quilted using the utility stitch.  I’ve found that hand stitching or simple knitting is all I’ve felt up to doing. She also did a second one for me for more utility stitching.

I’m sewing the binding down, another thing I find relaxing.

Simple knits we’re needed so I’m doing preemie hats.

This morning we had our new countertop installed which may have been what pushed me to sew a bit in my studio. I need to get out to my garden to pick beans and carrots, however; today it is too hot and muggy for me. My motivation is so low that I have to push myself to get anything done. The medication, citalopram, which is supposed to help anxiety, and hasn’t done much yet, also makes me sluggish. I’ve ignored a lot of the garden but I’m really going to try to get some yellow beans frozen as I’ve tons of them.

I’ve got rhubarb that need picking too but we’ll see.

I’d like to know if anyone out there is suffering from this kind of anxiety. It’s been going on for months and I’m quite discouraged. 

My hip has healed well and if I could walk more it could help. I’m up to about 18 minutes. The other issue is my back which keeps me from walking too far. I’m due for another injection.

Sorry to be such a bummer but that’s my life right now and maybe it helps to write.  Please tell me how you’re coping. 

Our province has decided to go wide open despite many people’s misgivings and I’m sure that doesn’t help. It was too sudden and seemingly so unlike the procedures up to now.  I was pleased to find out this morning that our local Walmart is still following the COVID protocols and that about 90% of the customers were masked. Going anywhere is a challenge for, partly out of nervousness and partly because I just don’t feel like it. I was determined to get a little more yarn so I pushed myself to go. And I drove myself for a change. 

Take care of yourselves.

My first project since my hip replacement

I knew that I might like s fun and easy project to get back into my sewing after my hip replacement surgery. It’s been 3bweeks and I’m now graduating from walker to the cane. I did the artwork and got all the pieces ready before the surgery.

Today,  I felt like sewing and I put it together. All that’s left is to finish the inside and add pull tabs.

It will make a great knitting project bag.

I finished another easy sweater for little Gussie made with Lion brand, Ice Cream Cotton Blend and I love the feel of it. It’s machine washable and dryable.

They had a nice beach day on Friday.

We are hoping to see them in a couple of weeks when they come here to stay at a cottage next to my in laws.

I’m still having anxiety problems but it is improving. My doctor upped the dose of the medication this week and it makes me so drowsy until,I get used to it. I decided to take the increase dose at supper time today instead of the morning when I take the rest. 

I like to have some no brainer knitting on hand for resting times and I’ve found out that the volunteer services at our hospital will provide yarn and patterns for volunteer knitters.

This is what I’m doing.

When I haven’t been to shaky, I’ve been doing a little loose sketching of some of my garden flowers as I find it helps me to relax.

How are you doing in these times? Are things easing where you are? Do you find yourself nervous about getting out there as I do? If all goes well after my follow up in Moncton later in July, we may go for a few days to the Island. I’m sure I’ll be anxious before we go but will relax once there. We will have a private house to stay in.

Take care, 💜

After my hip replacement

It’s been 2 weeks since the replacement was done and I’m getting around well with little pain. I’m only taking Tylenol twice a day. I travelled the 2 plus hours to Moncton to have this method done (anterior) as it’s less invasive and they don’t cut muscle. I also opted for an epidural so recovery time is faster. We made the trip home fine, the only hitch trying to find a decent washroom that I could get into with my husband’s help.

This is my current means of transportation but only for one more week and I can graduate to cane for 3 weeks.

Tomorrow, I go to have the Staples removed and we’ll see if a shower will be soon.

What I have found very relaxing is utility’s stitching a baby quilt that a friend very kindly sandwiched for me.

I’m using masking tape as guiding lines along the diagonals using perle  cottons size 5 in a variety of colors. Today I set up at the dining room table as it’s easier on the back and arms.

I took a break to try a small sketch of some cornflowers.

In my last post I talked about the anxiety I’ve been suffering and my shakiness. I had to concentrate and relax to calm the hands.

So far, the anxiety meds have not helped, at least discernibly so. I will see the dr later this week and see if a bigger dose or perhaps further investigations may be needed. 

In the meantime I’m doing my best to follow my exercises, and do what I can to relax. Guided meditations are also helpful and there are lots to be found on you tube.

We’ll I’m heading to wash my hair in the sink as showering may not come right away.I’m lucky to have a high gooseneck and a shower head.

Happy Father’s Day to all the hubbies out there. I know I’ve been really appreciating mine for how wonderful he’s been in helping me out. I think the basic cook is learning to make meals!

Happy Sunday!

My absence

Some of you may have noticed that I’ve been away from my usual social media lately. I’m going to try to explain.

Several weeks ago I started having what I thought was restless legs and I found it difficult to sit still or relax. We tried treating that but things worsened. The restlessness grew. I started shaking. I had a hot ball of heat in my stomach that would radiate outward and then I’d get shivers. It was all very I comfortable and scary.

I ended up going to emergency where I was very well treated. They put me in the family room and I didn’t t wait very long to see a dr. He told me it was extreme anxiety hyper vigilance and I would need medication which was immediately prescribed. I would also hear from a mental health person in 48 hrs which I did and they’ve been in contact every couple of days. 

The medication takes time to work as it gets slowly increased and I have to take something else in the meantime. 

This snuck up on me as I felt I was quite content in my studio and my artwork, and I really have little control over it. 

I’m groggy and fatigued while I get used to the meds so it’s hard to do much. I’ve been knitting a little and trying to sew the odd bit as the days can be long.

Some days I put on e block together.

My 1 yr old grandson Gussie, is wearing a sweater I sent over.

 

The second sweater that I did and finished before this all started.

Then, I got called for my hip replacement which took only 6 months and was a complete surprise. I’m pretty anxious about that too as I’m traveling a few hours to and from the hospital.

So, it may be some time before you see me back here but I will be eventually.

I hope you all can truly take time to relax and look after yourselves.

💜

Binding the cow and starting a rock cliff

After lunch, my husband and I went for a little drive a d a shirt amble at the beach about 10 minutes from here. He’s now gone to the golf course and I’m sitting on the deck with some hand stitching.

The binding on my cow is almost done.

These are my hand stitching tools - a finger cott and thimble for pulling and pushing  the needle. The finger cott grips the needle nad makes it slide like butter.

Scissors made for arthritic fingers and a thread holder.

All the while I’ve e been thinking and working on a new piece.

It’s basically a huge rock wall with foliage and flowers growing out of the cracks. I thought at first that I’d use fabric and paint but it wasn’t inspiring me until I thought of cutting up the pieces and laying them on top of the base piece with the darker fabric of the cracks underneath.

And it’s working!

Notice the gridded masking tape? It’s working to discourage the robin from attacking its image.

I’m happy with this now I just need to keep building.

And making more thread lace foliage.

Leaves hooped with solvable sulky and free motion stitched.

The soluble sulky is rinsed out.

Supper will be easy with homemade chicken noodle soup and  some leftover pizza, so I can enjoy my deck with my stitching. 

Happy Sunday! 💜